Got Milk?
by The Witch Princess
Summary: Stu finds himself in a milk-related predicament.


One day, Stu opened the fridge to discover that there was no milk left. "Well fuck me sideways with a fucking sandpaper-covered chainsaw shit. That little homo Tommy must have drank the whole fucking lot." He said gently.

Suddenly he heard a voice from upstairs. "Stu you homo, Tommy wants more milk. Bring that shit up here right now before I rip your hairy balls off." Said his Jewish wife Didi. Stu was upset with this occurrence. He started crying and black eyeliner ran down his cheeks and he said to himself "Okay, I need to fix this. I'm an inventor, aren't I?" Suddenly, Stu got a great idea. He took the empty bottle out of the fridge and started to choke his gummy worm, aiming for the open lid. But it was no use. His old wrinkly nut sack wasn't as potent as it was twenty years ago. Try as he might, he could not produce enough jizz to pass it off as a fresh bottle of milk.

"What am I thinking?" he asked himself furiously. He jumped in his car with the bottle and headed to town. He looked out of the window and saw the supermarket – then turned left, and arrived at his brother's house. Drew answered the door wearing a female leather dominatrix outfit. "What do you want, wiener breath?" he asked. Stu explained his predicament to Drew. He laughed so hard he shit himself, and it dripped out of his thong. "Let me get this straight. You want me to jizz in a bottle so you can serve it up to your lesbian wife and potato-headed son passing it off as milk?" "Yes," said Stu. "How much will you pay me?" asked Drew. "Five dollars." Drew gladly accepted, and went back into his house to spank the monkey.

Three hours later, Drew still hadn't emerged from his house. Stu was starting to get a bit tired of waiting, so he climbed up the drainpipe and looked through an upstairs window to see what was taking him so long. Drew was passed out on the bed, and Fluffy was raping his unconscious body.

"Holy shit!" yelled Stu, breaking the window and jumping in. It was then that he realised that the bottle was overturned on the floor, and a white puddle had spread from it. "Fluffy, what the fuck? I needed that!" Fluffy seemed unaware of Stu's presence. She was muttering to herself crazily as she humped the shit out of Stu's brother. "Drew you whore! You think you can get away with drinking my milk and replacing it with sperm, when you know we only do that with Didi Pickles! Why don't you love me?" Stu picked up his still-empty bottle quickly and got the fuck out of there.

His next stop was at the Finster household. He walked in, expecting to find Chaz masturbating, but instead finding his house empty. He looked around in puzzlement until he noticed a refrigerator. "Maybe Chaz will be storing bottled sperm for whatever reason, or better yet, cow's milk." He thought. He opened the door and threw up all over himself. There was a selection of vibrating metal dildos and cans of whipped cream in there. But what sickened him most was the sight of the freak Chuckie, tied up with an apple in his mouth. Stu backed the hell away rapidly, making sure to tuck a few dildos in his pocket as he went. Then he heard a nasally voice behind him. "I knew you'd come." Said the voice seductively. Stu turned around to find Chaz naked on the couch, rubbing his fat nipples. Stu tried to run away, but Chaz cornered him. "I've waited so long for this." He wheezed, starting to remove Stu's clothing with his teeth. "Fuck this shit." Thought Stu, knocking his friend out with a cold metal dildo.

There was nothing else for it. He'd just have to return home and get his family jewels torn off by his wife. He walked in to find said wife in bed with Betty DeVille and Doctor Lipchitz. The two of them were taking it in turns to make out with her. "What the actual fuck?" screamed Stu. "Stu, get out!" squealed Didi in her Jewish voice, as she began to get ass-raped by her mega-lesbian friend Betty. Stu ran out crying, and ended up in Tommy's room. "Okay Stu, you're a big girl now, you can take it." He said to himself, stopping crying. As soon as he stopped, he felt really angry. "I'm in a rage!" he proclaimed. "I will personally ass-rape the next person I see!" He looked up and saw Tommy.

Half an hour later, Stu was arrested for child molestation. He died in jail because he picked up the soap too many times. Didi married Doctor Lipschitz, but then was killed by Betty in a fit of jealous lesbian rage. Tommy grew up in a fridge at the Finster house, since Chaz offered to 'take care' of the orphan. And no-one lived happily ever after.


End file.
